Thursday, April 29, 2010


I watch a lot of intervention on Hulu, and it made me realize that I never want to do heroin.  It's a scary drug that doesn't help you do anything, except relax.  There isn't an upside to heroin, other than feeling good.  It just rots your body away and makes you drool.  You get really skinny, which is cool if you're trying to lose weight.  Wasting away to nothing isn't a way to live your life, unless you're a heroin addict.  Then it's the only way to live your life.

Monday, April 19, 2010

The difference between a sad clown and a happy one

It’s been said that women love a guy with a sense of humor.

In fact, I recently read in a Yahoo! Blog that the number one quality women look for in a mate is the ability to draw a laugh.


Besides speaking from embittered personal experience, there is no evidence to support this misconception.

If this were true, wouldn’t clowns get laid more?

What’s funnier than a clown?

Big nose, big feet, big… well, you know.

Who wouldn’t want a clown?

Yet, ladies, how many clowns have you dated?

What’s your clown number?


Maybe one… In college… while you were experimenting.

Some of the most eligible bachelors in history were clowns.  Daniel Rice, Bozo, John Wayne Gacy.  With names like that, why aren’t clowns considered sexy?

The fact is, women don’t know what they want.  They say they want a “nice” guy who’ll treat them “right.”  But, nine times out of ten, they’ll go home with that orange, spray-tanned, preppy douche bag that has a visor on, even though it’s dark out.

That’s the quickest way to turn a happy clown into a sad one.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Being a Man

I felt like being a man and blogging about sports for once.

The Chicago Blackhawks beat the Minnesota Wild by a convincing 4-0 margin.  That makes me happy.  I want the Blackhawks to win the Stanley Cup and give my ridiculous playoff beard meaning.  People will stop me in the street and be like:

"Hey, person with bad facial hair, why don't you shave your patchy beard?"

Then I'll be all like:

"My favorite National Hockey League team, the Chicago Blackhawks, are currently playing for the Stanley Cup championship.  This patchtastic combination of glue and pubic hair is meant to support their quest."

And they'll be all like,

"Oh, I too support that team's goal."

Unless they're from Detroit.  Then their car can burst into flames.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

More of the same. Go see So Ill Improv tonight!

Everyone who reads this blog (I'm talking to mainly you, Ted) should go see the So Ill Improv Comedy Festival this weekend.

All the information is there.   The first show is tonight at 7:30pm at Longbranch Coffee House.  Tickets are five dollars.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Go to the So Ill Festival

Hey everybody,

  This is completely off topic, but you should all go to the So Ill Improv Comedy Festival March 25-27th.  We just got some wicked awesome press from the Southern and the Nightlife.

Promo Video from Improvised Shakespeare on Vimeo.

This is our headliner.  They're awesome.

You can buy tickets online at

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Youtube Opinion Vlogs

There have been a disturbing amount of these videos on Youtube.

I don't know what it's about.  I stopped watching when I realized that this was some uninformed teenager expressing their opinion.  Why do so many of them feel the need to say something into their computer?

That was my point.  I don't think I can come up with any coherent reasoning for it.

Wait, let's try this:

The immense narcissism it takes to post something like this bothers me.

There, that sounds like a well thought out argument.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Google... Evil?

Is Google evil? Probably, especially according to this article on the BBC today.

My argument has nothing to do with the Italian Court's ruling that Google is liable for the content posted by users on Youtube, but it does bring up an issue that's been bothering me.

Is Google to powerful?

I watched its superbowl commercial to "awws" and "shucks, ain't that cute" from the audience.  Isn't it nice to have a company that can let you stalk French girls from all the way across the Atlantic ocean?  And more importantly, a company that knows who your stalking at what time and where in the world your stalking from?

Google has turned harmless internet infatuation into a disturbing corporate past time.  As recently as a year ago, Google began monitoring my Google account's web history without my permission.  Luckily, I found this out and turned off the service.  But, why does a massive multimedia monolith need to know how often I Google myself at work?

I can't answer that without being irrational, but maybe a governing body greater than mine should be watching over this massive company, held accountable by only its share holders. 

Let me be more blunt, someone should be watching over Google.  I'm not sure what they're up to with my credit card and porn habits.